Burn out the vote

Disgust from the swing state of Pennsylvania

My kids (3 and 1) love getting mail. If they’re cooperating, we might go together down to the end of the driveway to fetch it.

Like anyone else, the kids are disappointed when there’s nothing in the mailbox. But they’re ecstatic about anything that arrives. They’ll rush back to the house with whatever I let them carry. Sometimes they drop pieces of mail on the way back, other times it makes it all the way to the kitchen. For that reason, I really only hand them the junk mail.

Because it’s election season, we’ve had no shortage of junk mail. The kids like the variety of political mail pieces. Makes sense to me: these things have intense portraits of hideous people, dramatic colors, and obnoxious fonts. We’re getting an average of three or four pieces of junk a day just for political purposes. Some days, it’s all we get.

I was okay with this. For years, I’ve loved the political horse race. Staying up on election night to see the results, trashing other states that didn’t align with my views, heckling the flustered announcers. It’s Christmas for dorks.

But then I got this piece of political dreck in the mail. A line was crossed that I didn’t know existed.

(Image lightly edited to protect the innocent)

That’s right, this is a scratch and sniff political ad. I took this picture outdoors because I was not going to let a scratch and sniff political ad into the house. Political attack ads? I tune them out. Relentless lies? Expected. Scratch and sniff mailers? Abomination.

I’m sure you’re asking yourself right now whether I scratched and sniffed.

I did. Of course I did, wouldn’t you?

You wouldn’t? Come on.

Anyway, it smelled like a garbage bag left out in the sun. I don’t know what I expected. Not as intense as other scratch and sniff products, but it still smelled awful. There was something extra filthy about getting a mass-produced scratch and sniff ad, and my disgust was probably more conceptual than practical. I felt contaminated, like I’d been exposed to anthrax.

Since we got this ad, I’ve been telling people that I’m registered D, for “Disgusted”.

I know I’m not alone. Unlike in 2020 - when people were foaming at the mouth about anything political - this year, I hear Pennsylvanians complain about their fatigue. Everything about PA seems high stakes right now. Notably, we’re the state that hosted an attempted assassination. But there’s more.

A friend of mine who is better informed about the media says that nearby Lancaster County is “swarming with media-types”. She’s been contacted multiple times for intel. The left-leaning outlets are investigating the Seven Mountain Mandate and other disturbing nonsense. Also, Lancaster County is great if you’re in the media. Reporters take pictures of Amish buggies or corn fields. Boom, instant context.

On the flip side, “Kensington Beach,” the infamous open air drug market and humanitarian disaster in Philly, has become a conservative campaign issue. The renewed attention spurred Philly City Hall to show off their problem solving abilities. They are “clearing” that area of Kensington, whatever that means (see my views on urban planning here). From what I can tell, most of the activity is just moving elsewhere, and, from what I’ve read, even into the wealthy Rittenhouse Square. You’d think that the rich seeing the misery would get more done to solve it. But let’s be honest, the rich will probably continue to leave the city.

We’ve really shown off our ass this year. It’s disappointing. What do people now know about PA? The Amish. Fentanyl. Punxsutawney Phil. Assassinations. Philly sports fans and batteries. Open air drug markets. The Liberty Bell. Political division. Yinz and Primanti sandwiches.

When I worked for a nonprofit in Texas, I was shocked to hear the impression of PA from Texans. Someone said, verbatim, “Pennsylvania, it’s up near Maine, right?” The perception of PA was that of a blasted wasteland of ice and snow for 8 months a year. It was mountainous and unforgiving, a land of extreme living.

If you want to go nut-picking in a swing state, come to Pennsylvania. There’s plenty that have fallen off the tree.

All that said, we like it here. And I don’t think we like the attention. PA is the state that’s never at the top of the list, or the bottom of the list, for anything worth tracking. We mostly want to be left alone.

The chattering classes won’t, though. NPR condescended to Pennsylvania with the headline, “Pennsylvania voters are complicated. We drove around the state talking to them.” Don’t patronize us, NPR. I hope you didn’t have EZ Pass so you got charged the full amount for the turnpike, jerks.

The hope is that this election will be over soon. They drag on for years leading up to election day. But I think we all know that election day is probably just the intermission on this B movie.

Address hate mail to my wood stove to help with the heating bills.